There are many reasons why you may want to find a good weight loss plan that also helps you stop people pleasing. You can more easily stay motivated to lose weight by keeping the reasons for your weight loss journey top of mind and have more time for your own self-care when you stop people pleasing. When you seek approval from others as a habit, it is a recipe for weight loss failure. Here are some ways to have a good weight loss plan that allow you to stop people pleasing and have more time for your own self-care.
Who are People Pleasers and Why do We Care?
People with People Pleaser personalities say yes to everyone else and put their own self-care on the bottom of their ‘to do’ list. In Dr. Robert Kushner’s Personality Type Diet, he described 3 important reasons why you’ll be more successful with your weight loss when you commit to self-care rather than engaging in People Pleasing:
- People Pleasing is a habit that takes time away from your self-care.
- Self-care is a way to invest in yourself, so you’ll be around longer to take care of your loved ones.
- Our bodies and minds need self-care maintenance just like a car that needs be fueled properly; tuned up regularly; not driven on empty.
People pleasing is often the main thing that keeps us from making ourselves a priority.
Three ways to detect when you are people pleasing:
- You Ask yourself things like, what would my wife, parents, boss, friends think about me when I do a certain thing?
- You find you’re playing by someone else’s rules. You hear yourself frequently use the word “should.” Example, “I should have a few drinks at tonight’s party, so people won’t think I’m a party pooper.
- You do things because you want to avoid being embarrassed. For example, you eat second helpings at Thanksgiving because you don’t want to call attention to the fact that you’re making changes in what you eat to lose weight.
Q. What can you do instead of people pleasing?
- Let go of things you can’t control, including what other people think of you.
- Connect in and discover what you truly want and allow yourself to make your own choices.
- Then began to carefully choose when you’ll say yes and when you’ll say no.
One of my clients, Judy, loved to get together with her cousin for drinks. Now that she was working on weight loss, she knew that those 3-4 beers she usually drank would end up on her hips if she continued this pattern. So, she conferred with me. Then, she decided to tell her cousin that, “I’m not drinking today.” She drank sparkling water with a lime instead and she and her cousin had as good a time as ever enjoying each other’s company. She had put an end to this kind of people pleasing.
Questions for Reflection:
Take a few minutes to answer these 3 questions to reflect on your people pleasing:
What is one example of:
a). How people pleasing affects your self-care and weight loss success?
b). When do you have a hard time saying no, and what will you do differently next time?
c). How can you benefit from letting go of wasting time and energy on what other people think?
Keep in mind that it may be a struggle to avoid people-pleasing at first, especially if it is something you do regularly. Remember, focusing on yourself is the key to a successful weight loss! Contact your dietitian for more ideas on the best ways to maintain a consistent weight loss on your journey.
For more on this topic, look at two of our related blog posts on weight loss motivation and meaning and purpose and how they can accelerate your weight loss will take a deeper dive into these topics.
What Fuels Weight Loss Motivation
Purpose and Meaning Yields Weight Loss
Source: Kushner, R. F., & Kushner, N. (2008). Dr. Kushner’s personality type diet. St. Martin’s Press.
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN
Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
Lana Shahine
Nutrition & Food Science – Dietetics
University of Maryland, College Park | 2023
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