When Katie first called me for help, she said, “I get angry, sad, and lonely and I stuff my face. Then I feel ashamed.” She also told me that when she was a child, she discovered that in her family, conflict wasn’t allowed—it was an unwritten family rule. Her family conditioned her not to seek connection or conversation. As an adult Katie has just yet again cooked a family meal for her kids and husband after a long workday and commute. She wants to connect with her family at dinner, but instead they eat in silence and leave the table without making any real effort to interact with her. This is the underlying issue that set the stage for her to sooth herself with food. We did an assessment of what triggered her to eat emotionally and what to do about it using a five-step process I created that I share with you in today’s blog post.
Once triggered by a stressful event, adults who come to me for help, like Katie, turn to food or alcohol or both for comfort or rebellion, which eventually becomes a habit. After bouts of overeating intended to comfort themselves, clients I’ve worked with tell me that at first, they feel relieved, but then they often feel even worse. They feel a mood boost for a moment, then feel more stress and guilt. Next, they often eat even more, as a form of self-punishment, saying to themselves, “I’ve already eaten five donuts, I may as well eat a few more.”
These individuals have told me that as a result they felt controlled by food. According to Judson Brewer, Associate Professor of Medicine and Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, “We have conditioned ourselves to deal with stress in ways that ultimately perpetuate it rather than release us from it.” What we think helps our stress and shame only makes it worse.
When partnering with clients like Katie, I help them recognize and break out of this cycle. I created these five steps to help people immediately let go of their shame and related feelings so they can free themselves from feeling controlled by food.
Five Steps to Stop Being Controlled by Food:
Write down your answers to the following questions below to become aware of your triggers to overeating and what to do about it.
Step 1: What’s Your Trigger?
What’s the trigger, what sets off your food cravings? The stress trigger could be as simple as walking in the door and then into the pantry after a stressful day of work.
Step 2: What’s Your Craving?
What specific food are you craving after being triggered?
Usually, we crave foods high in fat, salt, or sugar. The problem is that these are processed, industrialized foods that only lead to more shame after we’ve eaten them.
Step 3: Pause and Slow Down for a Minute
When triggered, pause and slow down instead of going into automatic pilot. Pause and notice the seductive ego voice that urges you on to unwanted behaviors with, “I deserve this. I’ve worked hard. It’s time for a reward.”
Step 4: Check-In with Yourself
This is the most important step in the five-step process. Ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now? What is it that I really want?” What are you really yearning for (that isn’t food) unless you really are hungry? Could you be mad, glad, or scared, or bored?
Step 5: What Are Your Choices?
How can you positively respond to your cravings, emotions, and what you really want without eating? Create a few options that are easy to remember. Then, pick the best option. Write them down and keep them handy. Be ready for the next food craving.
You can create your own 5 Steps to Stop being Controlled by Food in just 15 minutes or so of reflection to stop a cycle of overeating from emotion. You can free yourself from this cycle of aways having food on your mind and wishing for a way to stop using food and/or alcohol as relief for mood or stress. The catch is that you can’t create these 5 steps while you’re having a food craving and so the key is to give yourself time for reflection.
Want More Resources?
Click here to access more about how to stop feeling controlled by food.
Want More Support?
If you want to receive support and know you can’t do break this cycle alone, click here to book a call with me to find out more about how to stop overeating that is driven by emotion, stress, or boredom.
Sources:
Brewer, Judson. The Craving Mind. From Cigarettes to Smart-Phones to Love—Why We Get Hooked and How We can Break Bad Habits. Yale University Press. 2017. p 139.
Loughrey, Kay. Happy Life at a Healthy Weight, Creating a Shame Free, Healthy Relationship with Food and Life. Authentic Wellness Publishing Company, LLC. 2024. p 47.
Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN Transformational Speaker, Breakthrough Coach, Nutritionist-Dietitian
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Kay Loughrey, MPH, RDN, LDN is a licensed Nutritionist-Dietitian and a weight loss coach with 30+ years of experience in helping people lose weight and develop healthier relationships with food. She coaches her clients nationwide providing weight loss planning, video check-ins, and more. Schedule your free consultation.